A Thousand Plays

For some reason I woke up at 05:00 this morning and knew that going back to sleep wasn't an option. Kinda wish I knew why, but nothing comes to mind.

I have been huddling down of late. I am retreating into the areas of my life where more certainty is possible. That does not include anything other than a brief scan of news headlines to see if the direction has changed any at all. It does appear that the trend toward nastiness and name-calling continues apace with no real change in intensity. The conditions in the proxy wars we have so come to love are proceeding smartly along their path to failure. The economy of the rich is doing fine, the economy of everyone else is beginning to show signs of going off the rails.

Growing up in a family of fairly recent immigrants (My grandma was the first person to actually speak fluent English, Great-grandfather came to America as a draft dodger who decided that being drafted to the Austro-Hungarian Empire's army in 1913 was a losing proposition). But Italian was the milk tongue of the family until the 1950's and I caught the tail end of that. But there was a phrase that stuck: Tempo Freddo (cold times).

When used in the house, it didn't refer to weather outside. That was other phrases involving dogs and when outside vulgarity. Nope, tempo freddo was for when the craziness was closing in. I remember it being used a lot in the late sixties when I stayed at the farm for the summers (I was farm labor before it was cool).

I am tempted to start using it again. But I won't. That reference is from a time and culture that was dying fifty years ago. But the craziness is closing in. We are in the process of choosing sides to lay blame. But the actions happening here and now can't really be "blamed" on one side of the other. We would have arrived at this exact same place regardless of what political faction "won" the last election and exerts nominal control. The only difference is in which group of assholes is currently being repressed.

First things first, sorry to besmirch the Dead with the completely unauthorized reference to one of their great songs/albums.

Had an excellent read today over at Aurelian. Folks should drop in over there and have a read. While the entire piece is well worth a read, two things stood out to me. The first is the almost universal rejection of the idea that things in the future that things are dicey and incomplete at the time of any pontification by writers here in the free for all of what passes for public discourse. I usually try (but often I don't succeed) to attach some rough approximation of odds of actual occurrence for the wild ass guess on what is happening/will happen. But this deliberate choice of lack of prescience (along with the choice of venues) relegates me to one of the screeching voices here in the wilderness. Unless I get some certainty to peddle, that is where I will stay, and I don't see that happening.

The second thing is that the folks who are certain that folks who get paid are somehow more accurate. Truth be told, I have no idea where this weirdness comes from, but I certainly can't see the logic in why people think that. The folks who write for a living are playing to an audience and like all actors, they are playing a part.

Overall a great read, and it did remind me of how good the Dead's album "Terrapin Station" is.

I think that I have a pretty fair life. Oh, granted there are things about it that are less than optimal, but on the whole, the present is pretty damn tolerable.

Here is my problem. With only two exceptions (identity withheld to protect the innocent) most of my social circle feels contempt for what I have "settled" for. I am still sorting out how I should feel about this kind of thing.

Whether one likes it or not. A large part of self worth is (unfortunately) a reflection of what others think of you. Why do you think churches breed fanatics? The internalization of a moral/intellectual precept and then refining of the outward symbols of belief lead to greater and greater acceptance/credibility with the group.

Thus my heresy. By rejecting the outward symbols that show conformity with the group belief system give the group no motivation to allow you into its sphere of influence and protection. I am walking the line now. I am trying to keep just inside the limited protection and rewards of the system. I want to be as far from the center, out in the low density fringes just this side of what is considered failure by the system.

I need to work on this explanation/narrative more. It isn't going to end up a political treatise or anything, it is just an explanation of where I stand and what I have to watch out for to maintain my distance from the center.