The Playa

 

 

But in dating, the term "Player" has negative meaning. Healthy dating involves mutual conversation and an assay of the other person. The kind of person who is called a Player is someone who is entertaining himself or herself in narcissistic, strictly manipulative play. For Players, there is no sense of attunement with the other. He or she is not really looking at the date's life and needs. Narcissistic lovers are intensely entitled, goal-driven, with orgasm, entrapment, guaranteed lifelong dependency, or domination as the goal. In real play, the activity is enjoyable in itself and done for its own sake. It overrides consciousness of any goal.When someone is deprived of true play, they are more likely to engage in narcissistic play.

-Stuart Brown, Play

 

 

True play is the opposite of narcissism. I want to get better at play - or is that too goal-oriented a way of putting it?

PS "assay", great word.